Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
