omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
