He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
