Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
