worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
