I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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