It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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