Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
