So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I could fuck to npr.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
