you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
