If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
