Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh god it's open bar.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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