Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
