I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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