I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
