I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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