The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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