idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
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ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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