its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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