so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
