Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
do nipples grow back?
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