the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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