If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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