Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
