Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
