Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
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The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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