You can't motorboat a personality
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
