Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
