How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
