its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
