You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
pray to the hookup gods
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