how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
