i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
