your room smells of hookers.
And success
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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