roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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