RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
