so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
