then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
