Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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