I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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