How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
