Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Couch. On fire.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
