You can't motorboat a personality
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
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I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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