Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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