Sponge bath it is.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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