he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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