Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
