Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
