i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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