you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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