I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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