she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
