We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
