Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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