Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
