I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
