i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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