There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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