so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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