we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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