She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize