can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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