So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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