he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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