Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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