Small penises have feelings too.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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