Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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