i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
