I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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