can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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