I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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