rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
