Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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