if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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