So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
